


The Mystery of the Suspicious Cupcake

by renecdote



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce is too paranoid, Cake, Fluff, Gen, Mystery, happy birthday bruce, who has cake ever hurt Bruce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renecdote/pseuds/renecdote
Summary: It's time for Batman's next great mystery:Who on earth left a cupcake in his cave?





	The Mystery of the Suspicious Cupcake

**Author's Note:**

> A quick little fic to celebrate Bruce Wayne's birthday :)

Bruce crouches down to get a look at the evidence from another angle. He tilts his head, studying the black and white striped pattern and the factory-made crinkles of the cupcake cup. Above it, the cupcake bulges up to a perfectly smooth, perfectly iced rounded top. Chocolate icing, dark and tempting, curling up to the single malteser placed on top.

Bruce sits back on his heels. Who on earth left a cupcake in his cave?

Tim, is his first though, because his second youngest has an insatiable sweet tooth and a proclivity for eating all manner of junk food while working at the Batcomputer. But Tim hasn’t been here in three days (much to Bruce’s displeasure) so he couldn’t have left a cupcake here. Bruce scratches him off the suspect list.

Dick, maybe? His eldest does love chocolate, and he’d been in the cave earlier. Bruce crosses him off as well though, since in all the years since he took the boy in, he’s never known Dick to leave a piece of cake uneaten. And if he intended the cupcake for Bruce, he would have given it to him in person. Dick is removed from the list as well then.

It could have been Jason, Bruce muses next, in which case it’s surely a practical joke of some kind. He studies the cupcake again, more warily this time, but it does nothing except sit there innocently and tempt him to eat it. (That icing truly does look delectable.) Random acts of kindness from his second son remain a rarity as long as he and Bruce butt heads over killing and the Joker’s continues existence though, so unless the cupcake is going to explode, Bruce doesn’t think it’s likely to be from Jason. He crosses him off the suspect list too.

Damian, perhaps? His youngest is certainly unsure enough about showing affection or appreciation to leave a gift for Bruce to find rather than give it to him directly. But the cupcake looks homemade and Damian has many skills he excels at but baking is not one of them, and he’s much too proud to ask for help with something like this. He’s next to get scratched off the rapidly shortening suspect list.

Cassandra is next to be considered. His daughter has developed a habit of leaving little gifts for her family and friends whenever she thinks they need comforting or cheering up. Bruce needs neither of these things though, so he can’t understand what her motive for leaving him a cupcake would be. It is unlikely she made it for herself and simply forgot to eat it before going out either, since she prefers sponges or cakes with cream not chocolate. After another long moment of consideration, Bruce crosses her off as a suspect.

Stephanie? He knows from her short time as Robin that not only does the current Batgirl enjoy baking, but she enjoys sharing her baked goods. Could she have left this cupcake for him? Bruce shakes his head. No, Stephanie is still mad at him for his… constructive criticisms of her takedown at a jewellery store heist on patrol last week. She wouldn’t have given him a cupcake unless he’d apologised or she’d gotten over it (and the biting snark on the comm tonight suggests she has not). Her name gets scratched off the suspect list too.

Duke maybe? But no, he hasn’t been in the cave since yesterday morning. And, like Dick, he would give Bruce the cupcake himself. Not that he would give Bruce a cupcake. He’s as much a part of the family as any of the others, but his relationship with Bruce is more mentor-mentee than father-child and leaving random cupcakes (without explanatory notes of gratitude) does not fall within those parameters. Duke is removed from the list. 

Barbara is considered as the culprit only briefly. Although she too enjoys baking, Bruce is reasonably sure this is not her handiwork. Mostly because he’s been on the comms with her all night and she couldn’t have had the time to leave the clocktower to deliver the cupcake. Not without Bruce being aware of it. So he crosses her off the list as well.

Kate is scratched from the list for similar reasons. Bruce was in contact with her part of the night and working with her the rest of it until they parted ways to go home. That and his cousin isn’t exactly the cupcake-giving type. 

His list of friendly suspects now dwindling, Bruce is forced to consider that the cupcake is either intended to sabotage him in some way or...

“Ah, Master Bruce,” Alfred calls from the direction of the stairs. Bruce turns to see him approaching and frowns. It’s after four; Alfred usually doesn’t wait up so late for Batman to return. “I wanted to be the first.”

“The first?” Bruce echoes, finally pushing back his cowl. He leaves the gloves on for now, so he can handle the cupcake safely in case it is something sinister. There’s been no explosion yet, but poison is still on the table.

“To congratulate you, sir,” Alfred says. “On surviving another year.”

(Bruce elects to ignore the muttered “despite your best efforts otherwise” which has followed every birthday well wish from his butler since he first put on the Batsuit. Really, it’s getting old now.) (Although, Bruce supposes, that might be the point.)

Bruce glances at the date in the bottom right corner of the Batcomputer’s display, then back at the cupcake, before looking at his old friend. Mystery solved. “Thank you, Alfred,” he says. “But you didn’t have to go to any trouble, it’s just another day of the year.”

Alfred purses his lips. His discontent with Bruce’s dislike of people celebrating his birthday (his continued presence among the living, as Alfred would put it) is well known, but tonight, this morning, he doesn’t argue the point. Instead he merely says, “Of course I did, sir, your children expressed a desire for cake. I’m simply making sure you get a chance to try some of it before they encroach on us and devour it all later.”

Bruce opens his mouth to protest (that sounds suspiciously like a celebration has been planned). Then he thinks about all the effort Alfred put into cooking and decorating the cupcake, all the effort he’s gone to every year to care for and serve Bruce, and all the stress Bruce keeps putting him under. He sighs. “Thank you, Alfred.” He looks again at the cupcake. “Perhaps you’d like to share it with me?”

Alfred smiles and, from behind his back, procures another cupcake. “Don’t be absurd, Master Bruce, the birthday boy should never have to share his cake.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are much appreciated, or come yell about the batfamily with me on tumblr [here](tantalum-cobalt.tumblr.com).


End file.
